Please, let me fuck your mom
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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