He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
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And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
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Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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