i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
