I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm sobbing to NWA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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