I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
