well you can't waste a boner
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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