i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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