there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
