At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
