I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
