I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Randomize
