Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
