just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
