are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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