I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
