make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
