she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
