First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
