All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Come see our sink grown plant.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
