I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
