Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
