i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
