ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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