Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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