youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
