Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
