Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
