I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
