Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
