After last night, I could never be a politician.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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