so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
