So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
