I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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