I wish I could teleport
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I am one with the molecules
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
