I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
