remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
