I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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