You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
