I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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