You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
