My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
