wanna go halves on a baby?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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