Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I know her cup size but not her name....
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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