he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
honey bunches of taint.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
