Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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