I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
