I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
