God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
