i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
