This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
we're making bets on your personal life
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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