my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
