ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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