Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
