Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
