Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
