Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
