Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
im about as happy as oj after his trial
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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