we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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