And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
ttyl tear gas
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
