He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
