So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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