I hope mine doesn't look like that
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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