Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
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I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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