R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
