Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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